Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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