I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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