it was like his penis was on wheels.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
