"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
