i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
two words...techno handjob
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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