i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
