With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I would ride that face into the sunset
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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