You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
