Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
