His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
