how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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