im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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