and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
