I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
