Already got asked if we're dating
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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