Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do