I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.