forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.