I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.