We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.