White coat. Heels.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.