Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?