did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
