fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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