he thought i was a dude.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
