just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
