Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She bit a glass in half.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
