the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
