I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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