i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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