I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
