At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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