Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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