My friends, they love my intelligence
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You can't motorboat a personality
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
