and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
