so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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