What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
