need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
