My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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