so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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