Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
