i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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