I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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