9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
