she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
