haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
