New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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