The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
