And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Fuck appropriateness.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
