Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
