i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
