Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
