My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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