Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
