he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
