So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize