2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
