my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
