I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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