She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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