As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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