how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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