i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
