what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
