I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
