my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
