Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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