I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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