i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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