The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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