the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize