I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
