I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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