i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
