The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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