i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
