If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
