i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
