me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
