if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
