I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
