She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
