He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
