Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
