I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
