i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
